Archive

Author Archive

Dear PoE (from prof. R. A. Hippoberg)

March 5th, 2009
9 comments
Esteemed Panel of Experts,

How much food would a foodfuck fuck if a foodfuck could fuck food?

Yours faithfully,
Professor R. A. Hippoberg, Ph.D.
Department of Ethology
State University of Bouvetoya

Dear Professor Hippoberg,

Foodfucks are among the most fascinating animal species in the world, even if they are considered a bane of picknicers all over the temperate climate zone. The question you asked, concerning their capability of mating with significant volumes of food, has been giving philosophers a headache for long centuries now. A famous historical anecdote, passed down by Plutarch, tells of the great philosopher Archimedes struggling with this very problem on the day the city he happened to be in was captured by the Romans. His last words, addressed to a soldier who burst into his room looking for things to rape or pillage, were allegedly “do not disturb my foodfucks!”.

Thus unfortunately the question remained unanswered for the next couple of millenia, but fortunately today we have all the modern science and stuff, and we can finally embark on the quest of finding the answer to this burning question. In fact, our specialists will soon be doing a program about foodfucks on the Discovery Channel, which has the scientest science of all with their flashy logos and theme music. Our program will have the best damn logo in the history of the channel, you just wait and see!

THE THEME WILL GO LIKE THIS: Dooo Dooo Dooo Dooo Dooo Dooo WROOOOAAAHHHH *drum solo*

THE THEME WILL GO LIKE THIS: Dooo Dooo Dooo Dooo Dooo Dooo WROOOOAAAHHHH *drum solo*

Anyway, about your question. Read more…

Letters, Panel of Experts , , , , ,

Insects suck

March 3rd, 2009
4 comments

Those stupid fucks have been around for over 350 million years now, amount to 75% of all animal species known to science, and they never got around to colonize the seas!

This must be the worst goddamn failure in the history of evolution. Insects are like the most successful class of animals ever; they were the only invertebrates ever to evolve flight, even before vertebrates decided to tag along with prototype pterosaurs. The estimated ten fucking million species occupy all kinds of environments, including deserts, underground undergroundness, glaciers, and bodies of sweet water. Cockroaches can like survive an atomic bomb dropped straight onto their heads.
Read more…

Angry! , ,

40 Best Things About Spats.

March 3rd, 2009
3 comments
Wikipedia's description for this photo said: "No copyright - why would anybody want to copy it?" WELL JOKE'S ON YOU
A common household spat.

Hello. In today’s installment of the soon-to-be-fabulous “40 Best Things About…” series, we are going to focus on spats – quite possibly the best footwear accessory ever invented. Sit down comfortably and fasten your spatbelts, because you have some serious eye-opening experience in front of you.

Spats were invented possibly in prehistoric times. They were certainly among the first domesticated items of clothing. I am sure you yourself own several pairs, because only horrible barbarians don’t. They provide many benefits and are just plain awesome. You probably know your basic spatology already and there’s no need to further explain the basics. BUT did you know that:

1. They are the only shoe accessory that can be used without shoes, possibly confusing your opponents in an ass-kicking contest.

Read more…

40 Best Things About